The Club Committee
Universally admired by all of the "ordinary" members of the Club, the Committee are often affectionately & humourously referred to as "turnips", "wasters" or "a bunch of w*****s".
The aforementioned Committee usually meet on the second Tuesday (or possibly Thursday) of each month at 7.30 pm (or possibly 6:30pm) in the Club bar.
We endeavour to post Committee minutes in the Members Area on this website, once they've been approved at the following meeting.
Please remember: HSRC is a member's club, run by the members, for the members. We need you all to help out as much as you possibly can, please drop us an e-mail at play@heswallsquash.com if you can help in any way.
Any questions?
General questions about the club can be addressed to the club by phoning 0151 342-2817 after 6:30pm or by contacting the
Club President via e-mail at: play@heswallsquash.com
Can YOU help?
If you have any ideas, money, time or skill you can offer to help the club, please don't just sit on your hands and complain about things (admittedly. a popular strategy) - please contact a committee member.
New ideas are ALWAYS welcome!
Ged
:-)
The aforementioned Committee usually meet on the second Tuesday (or possibly Thursday) of each month at 7.30 pm (or possibly 6:30pm) in the Club bar.
We endeavour to post Committee minutes in the Members Area on this website, once they've been approved at the following meeting.
Please remember: HSRC is a member's club, run by the members, for the members. We need you all to help out as much as you possibly can, please drop us an e-mail at play@heswallsquash.com if you can help in any way.
Any questions?
General questions about the club can be addressed to the club by phoning 0151 342-2817 after 6:30pm or by contacting the
Club President via e-mail at: play@heswallsquash.com
Can YOU help?
If you have any ideas, money, time or skill you can offer to help the club, please don't just sit on your hands and complain about things (admittedly. a popular strategy) - please contact a committee member.
New ideas are ALWAYS welcome!
Ged
:-)
Heswall Squash Club Committee Members 2019 - 2020 season
Club President: Ged Clark
Your local garden centre is always eager to sell you the latest “labour-saving” device for lawn & garden maintenance. However, few inventions in human history are as useless & obnoxious as the leaf blower.
These contraptions are absurd wasters of energy & are so loud they have been banned by many local councils. They stir up dirt & dust & can even propel small stones, family pets or young children at passing cars & pedestrians.
However, we can't deny they are hugely popular & as such, we must thank Ged who invented the forerunner to the modern leaf blower in the early 1980's.
Powered by a coal fired, steam driven engine & mounted on a horse drawn carriage, it never quite found the success in the market place it deserved & yet despite this, it helped send Ged into the Premier League of inventors, second only to well known Brexiter toff & tax evader, James Dyson.
These contraptions are absurd wasters of energy & are so loud they have been banned by many local councils. They stir up dirt & dust & can even propel small stones, family pets or young children at passing cars & pedestrians.
However, we can't deny they are hugely popular & as such, we must thank Ged who invented the forerunner to the modern leaf blower in the early 1980's.
Powered by a coal fired, steam driven engine & mounted on a horse drawn carriage, it never quite found the success in the market place it deserved & yet despite this, it helped send Ged into the Premier League of inventors, second only to well known Brexiter toff & tax evader, James Dyson.
Club Treasurer: Paulene Jones
An enigma.
Little is known of Paulene's youth, although it's rumoured she spent many years living in a "kibbutz" style commune in Marrakesh & devoted her time to "enlightenment" (not just opening the "doors of perception" but literally pulling them down off their frisking hinges).
Clearly, I know nothing about Paulene & hope that she isn't too upset should she ever read this bio.
Little is known of Paulene's youth, although it's rumoured she spent many years living in a "kibbutz" style commune in Marrakesh & devoted her time to "enlightenment" (not just opening the "doors of perception" but literally pulling them down off their frisking hinges).
Clearly, I know nothing about Paulene & hope that she isn't too upset should she ever read this bio.
Membership Secretaries: Shani & Matt Stapledon
"Membership, membership, membership" is the mantra.
Devoted to the Club membership, Shani & Matt frequently leave their young children alone at home for days for days on end while they sort out the many & varied issues arising from: introducing new members to the Club, processing paperwork, updating membership details & reading up on GDPR.
Seriously though, the children are perfectly fine as they have Attilla (the family pitbull terrier) for company, the kitchen is fully stocked with Doritos & Jaegermeister (so the kids won't starve) & a big box of matches to start a fire if they get cold.
PS: pic is of Matt, not Shani, just incase you're feeling a little confused...
Devoted to the Club membership, Shani & Matt frequently leave their young children alone at home for days for days on end while they sort out the many & varied issues arising from: introducing new members to the Club, processing paperwork, updating membership details & reading up on GDPR.
Seriously though, the children are perfectly fine as they have Attilla (the family pitbull terrier) for company, the kitchen is fully stocked with Doritos & Jaegermeister (so the kids won't starve) & a big box of matches to start a fire if they get cold.
PS: pic is of Matt, not Shani, just incase you're feeling a little confused...
Bar & Function Room Manager: John Williams
"The drinks are on me!" has long been John's familiar catch phrase and of course, he's one of the best loved characters at HSRC.
Having been a keen squash player and member of the Club for literally "donkey's years", there's nothing John doesn't know about managing the bar.
His keen senses and intuition help him judge which social functions at Heswall scream out for "salted peanuts" and which require the more sophisticated "dry roast".
Every social function at Heswall runs smoothly thanks to John.
Having been a keen squash player and member of the Club for literally "donkey's years", there's nothing John doesn't know about managing the bar.
His keen senses and intuition help him judge which social functions at Heswall scream out for "salted peanuts" and which require the more sophisticated "dry roast".
Every social function at Heswall runs smoothly thanks to John.
Ladies' Teams Holistic Healer: Jayne McGrath
The Ladies of the Ladies' Teams will, literally, follow her anywhere.
However, given Jayne's legendary running talents, the Ladies' better be quick if they do follow her.
It's often been said that getting people to play in the teams can be "like pulling teeth" but we think that Jayne has what it takes (i.e. a large pair of pliers & her foot on your chest)
Armed with persuasive measures (the pliers) & unbounded charm & enthusiasm, we believe Jayne will steer the Ladies' to even greater achievements in the NW Counties Squash Leagues.
However, given Jayne's legendary running talents, the Ladies' better be quick if they do follow her.
It's often been said that getting people to play in the teams can be "like pulling teeth" but we think that Jayne has what it takes (i.e. a large pair of pliers & her foot on your chest)
Armed with persuasive measures (the pliers) & unbounded charm & enthusiasm, we believe Jayne will steer the Ladies' to even greater achievements in the NW Counties Squash Leagues.
Men's Teams Masseur: Mark Griffiths
With influences as diverse as Blake and Buckminster Fuller, Mark creates new tensions, in a squash related metaphysic, which are both opaque and transparent.
Ever since he was a baby he has been fascinated by the endless oscillation of the human condition. What starts out as hope soon becomes manipulated into a manifesto of lust, leaving only a sense of decadence and the chance of a new synthesis.
As momentary replicas become transformed through emergent and diverse practice, the Mens' Teams he so expertly manages are left with an insight into the outposts of not only squash but the very nature our culture.
Ever since he was a baby he has been fascinated by the endless oscillation of the human condition. What starts out as hope soon becomes manipulated into a manifesto of lust, leaving only a sense of decadence and the chance of a new synthesis.
As momentary replicas become transformed through emergent and diverse practice, the Mens' Teams he so expertly manages are left with an insight into the outposts of not only squash but the very nature our culture.
Junior Squash Development Guru: An important role waiting to be filled...
The Future Of Squash, quite literally.
Dealing with raging hormones, insecurities, tantrums, mood swings & very often, tears is probably the hardest but most rewarding job in the Club but if the prospect of dealing with the Mens' Teams is too much, the job of mentoring & developing or young players may be for you..
Please contact the Committee if you feel that you can help.
Dealing with raging hormones, insecurities, tantrums, mood swings & very often, tears is probably the hardest but most rewarding job in the Club but if the prospect of dealing with the Mens' Teams is too much, the job of mentoring & developing or young players may be for you..
Please contact the Committee if you feel that you can help.
Social Secretary: Another important role waiting to be filled...
Being sociable in an unsociable World, not an easy task is it?
When confronted day in and day out by whingeing nay-sayers (easily identified by their well known catchphrase "we tried that once in 1987 and nobody liked it then") a Social Sec needs big shoulders, big ideas & a big personality.
Having said that, one decent event a year would earn undying love, gratitude & admiration from all Club members.
Please contact the Committee if you feel that you can help.
When confronted day in and day out by whingeing nay-sayers (easily identified by their well known catchphrase "we tried that once in 1987 and nobody liked it then") a Social Sec needs big shoulders, big ideas & a big personality.
Having said that, one decent event a year would earn undying love, gratitude & admiration from all Club members.
Please contact the Committee if you feel that you can help.
Marketing & PR Guru: Steve Batty
The Gandalf of Marketing.
Steve even has the pointy hat to go with such a prestige title although, he draws the line at growing a beard. Fortunately, Steve is too busy to write copy so it has fallen to me, the humble site editor to write about SB.
Experienced, knowledgeable & occasionally likeable, Steve's marketing background is unrivalled & it's great for the Club to have him on board.
Hopefully, if he & Bryan will ever stop talking about sport, then the Club could be poised on the brink of new, exciting & possibly even, great things!
Steve even has the pointy hat to go with such a prestige title although, he draws the line at growing a beard. Fortunately, Steve is too busy to write copy so it has fallen to me, the humble site editor to write about SB.
Experienced, knowledgeable & occasionally likeable, Steve's marketing background is unrivalled & it's great for the Club to have him on board.
Hopefully, if he & Bryan will ever stop talking about sport, then the Club could be poised on the brink of new, exciting & possibly even, great things!
Club Secretary: Stephen Dodd
The boy that never grew up.
Steve spends most of his time taking photographs (it's his job, yes, who'd thought he has a job?) & trying to avoid anything of a serious or important nature, especially: economics, politics, religion & football (especially. especially football...)
He'll forget your name, your birthday & never buy you flowers.
He loves nothing better the being locked in a small room with an Apple Mac, a copious supply of McDonalds coffee, Timothy Taylor's Landlord and/or Macallan (TBH whiskey of any description) & a family value bag of Twiglets.
Steve spends most of his time taking photographs (it's his job, yes, who'd thought he has a job?) & trying to avoid anything of a serious or important nature, especially: economics, politics, religion & football (especially. especially football...)
He'll forget your name, your birthday & never buy you flowers.
He loves nothing better the being locked in a small room with an Apple Mac, a copious supply of McDonalds coffee, Timothy Taylor's Landlord and/or Macallan (TBH whiskey of any description) & a family value bag of Twiglets.
For further details, please e-mail play@heswallsquash.com